someone get that fucking seahorse.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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