nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
