Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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