but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just found puke in my bra..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
