is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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