shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
