that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
