Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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