I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize