Who did Billy Mays play for?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
