That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
