Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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