Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He has the fingertips of a God
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
