No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
