Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
