Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
