I'm lost and stupid without you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
