And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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