...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
