He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We have started to decorate penises.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
