There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
