Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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