Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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