You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
