I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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