I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
