people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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