a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
