I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
home. puking in laundry basket.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
