I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
