Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
