Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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