is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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