so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
