IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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