I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
