She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
