i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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