guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
