I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Randomize
