My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize