Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
