I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
