Will you blow on my dice?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
