Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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