So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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