"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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