She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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