Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
