found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
