After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
