Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
