I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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