I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
