what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
