alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
