Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
