Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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