just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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