i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
