just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
