hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's blow job season.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
