it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
