Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
