dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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