I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
