can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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