He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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