im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
