Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
